i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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