i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
