I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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