i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do vagina's smell?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
