I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
