I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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