Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
