at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
