Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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