Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
