weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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