you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
