i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
