I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
