they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
