So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
