You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
