Sry I called you an 8
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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