Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
