I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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