I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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