STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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