So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
