im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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