I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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