I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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