I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
