sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
