he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
