my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
