She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
