the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
