i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
