My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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