Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
