May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
