BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
