Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
