then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
