i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
