We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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