I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
