I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
