As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
