My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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