you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't turn off my feet"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
