Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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