somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I could fuck to npr.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize