peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
