so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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