I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
