wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
