Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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