she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
