So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
