She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
