He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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