i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
