remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
