She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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