did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
COCAINE IS GR8
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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