If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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