Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All the doctor said was why
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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