no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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