Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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