You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
