I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
