i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
