Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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